Chapter 4: Dreaming of Escape

That’s right.

I wanted Nick. Always had, from the moment I first saw him—one of those hopeless, notebook-doodling crushes that makes you check your phone for texts you know aren’t coming.

But Nick appeared at just the right time. For seventeen years before him, I had only one dream.

When my dad got drunk and his fists rained down like a thunderstorm, I’d stare at the popcorn ceiling and wish myself invisible. When my mom tried to marry me off at thirteen to some fifty-year-old from the next county—just to save for my little brother’s wedding—I pressed my hands so hard to my ears they stung.

"Get into the best university and escape from here."

That was my only lifeline, the hope that kept me going. No matter what, I never let up. The dream was everything.

Later, when I could ace the 2022 AP Calc exam without breaking a sweat, I knew: the best university in America was within reach. The vision of freedom was all that kept me going through endless nights.

All I had to do was survive until next year’s SAT. One shot, one kill. I whispered it to myself every night, clutching my pillow.

But when I looked back at my dusty seventeen years, all I saw was misery and a life buried in books. My walls were plastered with certificates, but I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed for real.

One day, some cable channel was replaying Leonardo DiCaprio’s “Romeo + Juliet.” I stared at his wild, beautiful face, chin propped on my knees, and let myself wonder.

"If only I could fall in love with a beautiful boy like that at seventeen."

And then Nick showed up.

He was even younger, even more beautiful than Leo in that movie. His jersey clung to lean muscles, his moves made me believe in Hollywood endings—even if just for a second.

I wanted him, but I knew I couldn’t have him. All my points were in school, and I was just another forgettable face in the crowd—someone who’d be overlooked in the yearbook.

Nick was always the center of attention. Someone like him would never notice me—unless someone gave him a reason.

But now, Rachel had handed him to me herself. I still couldn’t believe my luck, even if I knew it was a curse.