Chapter 6: Alone in a Crowd

For a month, Derek and I orbited the same building like planets on opposite sides of the sun, neither willing to break the standoff. Meanwhile, he and Ashley grew closer—shared lunches, shared walks to the parking lot, shared laughter I could hear all the way down the hall.

Even at the team-building hike, Derek made sure everyone saw him with Ashley. When she hesitated, he made a point of saying, "Didn’t we break up? Why should I care about her?" loud enough for everyone to hear. "She loves dinner with other men so much, hiking’s probably the same."

I felt the stares, the whispers: "Not appreciating a guy like Dr. Mitchell, flirting with others—no wonder he dumped her."

Ashley twisted her ankle halfway up the trail, and Derek didn’t hesitate—he scooped her onto his back, carrying her just like he’d carried me that day in college. I fell farther behind, lungs burning, watching as the two of them looked like a poster for some new rom-com.

Ashley apologized, "Sorry, I made us come in last."

Derek smiled, gentle as ever. "We’re just here to relax. Rankings don’t matter."

I remembered the same drill years ago—he’d carried me, too, but his words had been sharp as knives. "Do you know how much trouble you cause? You made our class come in last again. Rachel Foster, you can’t do anything right."

He was always polite and responsible to everyone but me. I got the sharp edges, the cold stares, the disappointment. The only time I ever heard about his affection was secondhand—Jake telling me he’d spent his pay on my medical patches, my best friend swearing his tsundere act meant he loved me. But I never felt it, not from him. I got the jealousy, the insults, the destruction—scarves shredded, game consoles smashed, all under the banner of love.

I told myself he was just bad at expressing himself. That I just needed to keep trying. But love needs something to bounce off of, and I was running out of surface.

Sometimes, being difficult and not being in love look exactly the same. And I was already too heartbroken to tell the difference.